Toxic

Toxic

as in the things we do to sabotage our relationships.

I’m a man so this is my POV.  The girls have their side too I know.  And yes we guys have our toxic chemistry too.

I’m not picking on women but.

You’re bedding down for the night.  It could have been a great day or it could have been so-so.  But everything is pretty cool up to this point.

There are the good nights.   The lights are off.   Wmj

You might snuggle.  We did and then says hear, “honey...,” oh shit.

We’ll get back to this later.  This is something I do not understand.  The good night dear ambush.

Here are some other examples.  This example doesn’t go toxic.  But.

My sister, newly married to this really great guy.  Certainly one of my very closest and the most influential friends in my life.  They had not even gone on their honeymoon yet.  Yes, newly married and my sister Susie says to him,  “honey my little brother is coming to live with us.”  Frank’s a better man than me.  Much better.  And he loves Susie very much.  They did not go toxic

It worked out.  In fact, when they met me at the airport, my first time flying, meeting Frank for the first time and he’s got this big smile.   It worked out.

I asked a woman once why women do this.  And she laughed and said, we know we’ve your attention or something like that.  The end of the day and bam.

It usually really important and not pillow talk.  We had all day to talk about.  Importance is the issue getting back to my first example.  And time.

In my first example, her name is Sandra.  She is still the love of my life even though she is no longer in my life.  She was Hally Barry before anyone had ever heard of Halley.  Albeit a tinier version.  She is very pretty, but it was her size that first attracted me.  I true living doll and one of the smartest people I’ve ever known.

She was a college student from Providence, Rhode Island.  She worked in HR at Coast Guard headquarters where I was stationed.

I was a photojournalist and had been shipped out Governors Island after having the nerve to get myself promoted over that brown nose base paper editor Shane.  And that is another story.  Shane the brown nose Gazette editor.  In fact former Gazette editor.  

But that is another story.  The Coast Guard had sent this 20 something chocolate sailor to Chocolate City.

I was on a roll at headquarter and the time I saw Sandra I knew she was the one.  I’d find excuses to have business in HR.  It was easy.

I was also a very precious and confident Coastie.  After all, as a photographer, I was all over shooting awards ceremonies. writing for the Commandant’s Bulletin and sometimes flying with the Commandant to Coast Guard station all over the country.

The day we met, and from that day on we were a couple.  Sandra had a big Rolodex on her desk and when the phone rang, she looks up numbers for people and transfers the calls.  She was the station's directory service.  We had never met.  I had just seen her and I was on the hunt.  That day it was a little before noon.  The was another suitor in her office and I walked in and asked her out to lunch.  She said yes and that was it.

We had a great love affair.  We even traveled.  I could never get her to move in.  Because the Guard did not have housing in the DC I had an apartment in NW.  I very nice place.  Sandra had rented a room from a very nice lady.  Her school was actually in Michigan and DC was temporary.  I wanted to marry her.  We were engaged.

Sandra is Catholic.  Not usual for a New Girl of Cape Verde dissent.  More on that later.  Back to the ambush.  

Actually, it was not Honey,  it was Charles.   She was spending the night as she did a lot.  Actually, it was, “Charles I’m having my procedure tomorrow.”   A pretty young Catholic girl say at around midnight.  I asked her to do it for me.  I loved her very much, but I already had children and I did not want another out of wedlock.  It was after midnight and I had not been forewarned.  She had scheduled her procedure for the next morning but she did not tell me.

I had a helicopter picking me up at the then National airport that morning for a flight to photograph the Coast Guard new HH blah, blah helicopter.  It caught me completely off guard.  Had I had a little time to think, I could have had someone else take the shoot.  If I had more time to think I might have said don’t

The beautiful young Catholic girl from Providence had scheduled her procedure and I did not know.  The procedure was an abortion.  That’s when the pillow talk becomes toxic.

AS a sailor you can’t miss movement.  That is not being on the ship when it leaves port.  In this case the ship was a helicopter.  I took the photos and left work early, but not early enough.  We weren’t married so I could not take emergency sick leave.